How I agreed to become one of the panelist for Forum Ilmiyah 2017.

Hello and Assalamu’alaikum everyone ❤

Alhamdulillah, exams are finally over and now it’s just a matter of dreading about the results that has yet need to be released, and so…. the waiting game begins riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight about now!

BUT –  Here’s a ‘quick’ update on what happened about a month ago. So, my friends were all texting me about an upcoming event that was held by the Brunei Religious Officers Student Association (BruROSA).

I had a friend who was texting me and said – “Syidah 🙂 Do you have any plans for next weekend?”. I honestly thought there was going to be a birthday surprise for one of our mutual friend so without hesitating, I said, “Nope, I’m free”.

However, the next text took me a while to process ; “There’s a forum next week and we’re searching for another female panel speaker to talk about stress & depression in Islam, preferably someone who takes Psychology. Can you please do it? Mina and Zirah highly recommended you to be the one to join. Please?”

Ok – embarrassingly, I didn’t even know what a panel speaker was at that time. Off I went and googled that word out and specifically clicked on “images” because visualising helps me understand much better than words.

Alright.

Ok.

Sitting separately in front of a group of people…

Ok.

Hold on.

Think.

No.

I had plans such a revising too but I wasn’t really taking it as seriously yet since I know I could actually take a day or two off from any Psychology articles and textbooks.

So…Should I do it? Should I not?

I mean..I don’t mind delivering out and explaining about Psychology in an Islamic perspective as well as dealing with stress and depression. In fact I’ve always wanted to talk about it but the idea of commuting to London by myself (I’ve mentioned before that I’m really not the type of person who’s brave enough to go on train rides thats more than 30 minutes long) as well as talking to a lot of people I don’t really know. I mean, really? Should I even?

Yes, you should. No , jangantah. Actually you should, it’s a good topic. But Nah, sokay you can just stay in. But come on, look at how much you can inform people about such a useful topic But no, don’t. Wait, maybe I really should? NO.YES. NO. YES. AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I decided to make notes on what to talk about that took up 2 and half pages within 30 minutes of brainstorming. Okay, I felt ready. Took my phone and replied with a “Yes, Let’s. “

But 3 days later, I sent in another text “Um, no. I prefer to do my revision instead. So sorry :(“

Typical of me. I was honestly more nervous about going to London alone than actually doing the talk. But people were already sending me texts saying things like “GOOD LUCK FOR THE FORUM SYIDAH! LOOKING FORWARD TO HEARING YOU” and “CAN’T WAIT FOR THE FORUM!” and my head just felt tight.

Ok. Don’t let them down, text your brother to come to London and you’ll be fine.

One of the texts received that calmed me down during my endless decision making was by another friend of mine who said “You don’t know how many people you will inspire. I’m a 100% you’ll ace it”

Honestly, where did y’all get all these unrealistic thoughts and assumptions that I can actually do this? Only god knows. I mean, thank you but gaaahhhhh!

“Okay wait..” I thought.

“Let’s put Freud’s Psychoanalysis theory here…”

So I sat down and broke down the 3 mental processes.

ID – “I want to stay at home. I want to feel safe here than commuting”

Superego – “You should really do the forum, after all you’re ready. They’re searching for people and have high hopes for you, so go ahead and help them”

Ego – “Deliver the talk and go home straight after the forum and don’t spend another minute away from Wolverhampton. Just one night Syidah, also – you’ll finally be able to talk about such a good topic to a lot of people. Don’t forget – you get to go to Melur.”

I agreed with my Ego and finalised my decision positively.

“Yes, I’ll do it. Confirmed.”

“ALHAMDULILLAH, MAY ALLAH REWARD YOU!!”

Okay. I guess that’s settled then. Let’s buy a ticket to London, shall we?

And so I did.

Advertisements