Ma. Bah. Don’t leave me yet.

The title stated above is exactly what I’m desperately hoping for right now. Don’t think that’s possible right at this moment.

Less than 9 hours ago, the two whole hearted married coupled left.

Less than 9 hours, the two most considerate married couple hugged me goodbye.

Less than 9 hours ago, the two merciful and gracious married couple cried and waved me goodbye.

Less than 9 hours ago, the two forgiving and gentle married couple drove off a taxi heading their way to Heathrow airport.

That was it.

If I could hold their hands longer, I would. If I had to kiss their hands and ask for forgiveness, over and over again, I would. If I could kiss my mom’s cheeks over and over again and wipe off her tears, damn it – I would.

They’re probably on the plane right now on their way to Dubai for a short transit as I’m typing this away. So…. *SNIFFS.

I’m aware, the blog that I’ve typed before this may have been filled with me complaining about this and that and how ungrateful I’ve been with the whole busy and tiring situation (if you haven’t read it, I’d advise you to read the first post beforehand. Go do that, Hahaha).

So yes, I’ve been talking about how swamped I’ve been feeling, but mind you – at the end of the day, I had my parents with me.

All those hectic things happening? yeah well those didn’t matter as much by the time I reached the temporary house I lived in with my parents whilst they were here.

I came home to a mother who was ready to make me feel comfortable and homie with food and drinks prepared that would make me feel calm.

Those nasi goring cornbeef (corn beef fried rice) my GOD. Those indomee. Those 3in1 Milo packets she made everyday with the right temperature. I didn’t need to ask, she has always done it voluntarily. She didn’t even snap when I finished all my 3in1 Milo packets in just a week when I was supposed to save them up. She knows how important milo is to me. REALLY. (if you know me personally, you’d know that I drink Milo 2-5 times a day, everyday, my whole entire life)

My dad, on the other hand – He has been super helpful, as always. So It was of course hard for me to say goodbye to him as well.

Don’t think It’d be easy to actually say goodbye to the man who brought me out for a father-daughter walk everyday whilst he was here, giving me wonderful advices as we walked from one street to another. The man who held my hand every time we walk together. The man helped me when I was freezing and not to mention the man who took my hat and wanted me to buy the same one just so we could be those so-called ‘twinsies’ HAAAA

They left me, and I just cried. Full on tears.

When everyone left today, I had that feeling to just go home into my room, shut the door, sink into bed and just cry. Not because I’m being all whiny, no. Just because I needed to let everything out that I tried to keep in when I waved them goodbye.

It was just that kind of uncomfortable feeling where nothing is wrong but nothing is right either.

When I waved goodbye,  I heard myself saying “bye..” and at the same time I had a flashback to the morning I woke up in London 2 weeks ago with my parents cuddling me and them saying “anak bungsu kami ni…”

I MEAN. COME ON. Give me a break. That just made the goodbyes even more painful and complicated. 😦

But yes – I knew I had to face it. I just wasn’t ready. 😦

I know I will be, just not yet. But again, I’m still learning and I’ll keep trying.

I guess the only reason why I haven’t felt any loneliness was because I had them with me. Those familiar home faces. SO yes – it took me till 9 hours ago to get hit by a massive reality check telling me I have to get through this and that it’s normal.

I’m sure the people who have gone through this would probably think “yea I’ve been there, Jeez, Syidah. You’re so sakai good god.”

Yes, I know. I hear you loud and clear but please let me have this moment too, to feel homesick. I’m not happy about it, but it’s a just a phase that everyone needs to go through, and here I am having it now. So let me just babble emotionally about this ‘experience’

I’ll keep my dad’s advices with me. I’ll keep my mom’s patience and concerns with me. I’ll keep their love and prayers with me wherever I go.

Love is precious, and so are they ❤




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